Ivy and Bean Make the Rules Read online

  Leo was panting, too. “What are—” pant, pant—”you guys doing?”

  Bean poked Leo with her whopper. “I’ll be goll-blamed. It’s a talking Komodo!”

  “Very rare,” gasped Ivy.

  Leo looked at them. “What are you guys talking about?”

  “You’re a Komodo dragon,” Harlan said.

  “A small one,” said Bean.

  “A runt,” giggled Ivy.

  “I am not!” said Leo. “Come on. What is this?”

  “It’s a camp,” said Ivy.

  “We’re the counselors,” explained Bean.

  “This is nature study,” said Franny.

  “A Komodo dragon hunt,” said Ivy.

  “And you’re the Komodo dragon,” Harlan told him.

  Leo took the net off his head. “You guys are wackos, you know that?”

  Bean stood up. “Come on, little campers, let’s move out.”

  “Wait!” Leo said. He rolled over on his stomach. “You want to hunt a real Komodo dragon? Try catching that kid over there.” He pointed at a kid who was whizzing by with a soccer ball. “Hey! Juanito! You’re a Komodo!” Leo yelled.

  The kid stopped whizzing. “What?”

  “Get him!”

  TAPPETTYTAPTAP!

  That night, Nancy talked about her routine. A lot.

  “But what is it?” Bean asked.

  “You know. A dance. To a song. Like a music video,” said Nancy.

  “Hello? I’m not allowed to watch music videos,” said Bean.

  Nancy rolled her eyes. “Okay,” she said. “I’ll show you.” She hopped up from her chair and twirled around. “And then we go like this.” She walked sideways, to the right, to the left. “Then, watch this.” She swung her hands up in the air and looked at them. “That’s the best part,” she said.

  Bean wondered how that could be the best part. “Is that it?” she asked.

  “Yeah,” said Nancy.

  It was the most boring dance Bean had ever seen, but she didn’t say that. “Great,” she said. “That was really great.”

  “Thanks!” said Nancy. “Isn’t the arm part good?”

  “Yeah,” said Bean, trying to sound enthusiastic. “Really good arm part. So—did you do anything else in camp today, anything besides the routine?”

  “First we had to decide what to wear for the routine … “

  Bean stopped listening. Dance. She could do a dance, and her dance wouldn’t be boring. Her dance would be good. She had everything she needed for a good dance, right in her basement.

  There were many interesting things in Bean’s basement, and one of them was a metal washtub. Bean’s mom had bobbed for apples in it when she was a kid. It was big, but it wasn’t so big that Bean couldn’t carry it. And that was good, because the next morning, she carried it all the way to Monkey Park.

  Harlan and Franny were already there. “What’s that?” Harlan yelled.

  Bean plunked down the tub. “What are you doing here this early?”

  “Aunt Eartha kicked us out,” said Harlan.

  “Harlan told her about Komodo dragons, and she got all mad,” said Franny.

  “I think it was the poop,” explained Harlan.

  Juanito poked his head out of the tent. “Hi.”

  “Hey, what are you doing here?” asked Bean.

  “Hiding from Coach,” said Juanito. “Are we going to do that dragon thing again?”

  “No,” said Bean. “Today is something different. We’ll start as soon as Ivy gets here.”

  Ivy came, and Leo, too. “Today, campers,” said Bean, “we will be learning to dance.”

  “Ew,” said Leo. “No way.”

  “I’m outta here,” said Juanito. He started walking away.

  Bean held out her hand. “Thumbtacks, please, Counselor Ivy.”

  Leo and Juanito stopped walking. Thumbtacks?

  “Now. First, you have to have really thick-bottomed shoes.” Bean checked her campers’ shoes. “Excellent. Second, you stick six thumbtacks in the bottom of each shoe. I will demonstrate.” Bean felt just like her teacher, Ms. Aruba-Tate, as she bent down and stuck six thumbtacks into the bottom of each shoe. “And now, we dance,” she said. Harlan and Franny clapped. Leo and Juanito moved a little closer.

  Bean bowed and stepped onto the top of the tub. She tapped one foot. Then the other. Good noise.

  She tappety-tapped. Tappety-tap, tap, tap, ataptaptaptaptapTAPTAPTAPTAP!

  The noise was nice and loud. TAPPETY-TAPPETYTAPPETYARAPTAPTAP!

  The noise was astounding. Leo and Juanito came back.

  “Isn’t this great?” yelled Bean over her tapping.

  “Let me try!” Franny cried. She and Harlan put thumbtacks in their shoes and danced together on the tub, making a truly incredible amount of noise. Dogs barked. Passing cars slowed. All the other camps stopped to watch.

  Pretty soon, Bean, Franny, Harlan, Leo, and Juanito were crammed onto the tub, dancing their hearts out. Ivy was trying to explain to their friend Sophie W. and a kid named Ella that they’d get their turn next. A counselor was trying to get Ella to come back to Puppet Fun! No one could hear a thing.

  Late in the afternoon, Bean lay in the grass in front of the tent. She was happy. Dance had been great. Well, dance had been great until Bean’s mom came to the park and took the tub away. She said she could hear it all the way at Bean’s house. “Don’t you like the sound of dancing children?” asked Bean.

  “No,” her mom had said.

  Juanito and Leo’s coach made them go to soccer camp, but they’d come back later, for strength training. Leo and Juanito knew all about strength training. You had to start easy. Camp Flaming Arrow had started with a grape. Picking up a grape is easy. After the grape, the campers went on to heavier things, like rocks and Harlan. Leo said he could pick up a car, but then he wouldn’t show them, so no one believed him. Ella, who had tunneled out under the picnic table of Puppet Fun!, said that she could pick up her dad, but no one believed her either. Sophie W. said if they all stuck two fingers under Ivy and thought about water, they’d be able to lift her. They did that until Harlan forgot to think about water and Ivy hurt her head.

  “Camp Flaming Arrow is getting big,” said Ivy. She was lying on the grass too. “We’ve got six campers now.”

  “That’s because it’s such a great camp,” said Bean.

  ZOMBIE PROBLEM IN MONKEY PARK

  On Thursday, Camp Flaming Arrow got even bigger. Dino from Pancake Court came with Sophie W. He was supposed to be in Animal Adventures Camp, but Animal Adventures Camp had turned out to be going to the zoo. He had already been to the zoo three times that week, and he was tired of it.

  “I don’t want to do anything with animals,” said Dino. “I don’t even want to think about an animal.”

  “You might have to think about Komodo dragons,” called Juanito from inside the tent. He was hiding from his coach again.

  “They don’t poop!” yelled Harlan.

  “Enough chitchat!” said Bean, just like a real counselor. “No animals. Today we will be studying first aid.” First aid was on the Girl Power 4-Ever list. “And here is Counselor Ivy, to teach you important first aid tips.”

  First aid was fun. Ivy had brought her face paint, and they used up almost all the red. Red was the blood.

  She had brought another old curtain, cut up. Those were the bandages. All the campers needed lots of bandages.

  “I think he’d better take some CPR,” said Bean the doctor. “His condition is serious.”

  Harlan groaned. He was a very good groaner.

  “One-twelve over five in the plexer-carpaloo,” said Franny. She gave Harlan a fake shot. He groaned.

  By the time Leo got away from soccer camp, they were all covered with fake blood and bandages. He told them about a kind of first aid called the Heimlich Maneuver. When someone was choking, you pounded his stomach in just the right way, and whatever was choking him flew out of his mouth and landed acro
ss the room. That was fun. Disgusting, but fun.

  They played Heimlich Maneuver for a long time, and then Dino had a great idea. Since they were already covered in fake blood, they could be zombies. They zombied around Monkey Park with their arms stretched out in front of them. By mistake, they zombied right through Puppet Fun!

  “Now, boys and girls, we pull the yarn with our special needle, very, very carefully through the paper,” the counselor was saying.

  “UUNNN-huh!” moaned Bean the zombie.

  “Hey!” said the counselor.

  “Oops,” said Bean, unzombieing. “Sorry.”

  But it was too late. Most of the Puppet Fun! campers turned into zombies on the spot.

  “Now stop that!” said the counselor. “This is Puppet Fun!”

  “Sorry!” said Bean. She backed toward Camp Flaming Arrow, but three new zombies ran after her. By four o’clock in the afternoon, Monkey Park had a real zombie problem.

  “We haven’t done great women of history,” whispered Bean into the phone that night. She was reading the Girl Power 4-Ever paper.

  “Is that the only one we haven’t done?” whispered Ivy, even though she didn’t live with Nancy so there was no reason for her to whisper.

  “There’s drama, but I think being zombies could count as drama, don’t you?” Bean said. “And I still don’t know what a social skill is.”

  “It’s not in the dictionary,” Ivy said. “I looked it up.”

  “That leaves great women of history. What do you think it is?”

  “I have a book about great women of history,” Ivy said. “I’ll bring it tomorrow.”

  “Mom!” hollered Nancy.

  “Got to go!” whispered Bean. She stuffed the paper in her pocket just as Nancy thumped into the kitchen.

  “What?” said Bean’s mom, looking up from her book.

  “Tell me the truth,” said Nancy. “Do I look okay?”

  “Sure,” said Bean’s mom. “You look cute.”

  “You don’t notice anything?” Nancy asked.

  Bean’s mom looked at Nancy carefully. “Um. No.”

  “Bean?” Nancy asked. “Do you?”

  “You’ve got a wart on your knuckle,” Bean said.

  Nancy shrieked, “Oh no, oh no! It’s totally ugly! I’m, like, diseased!”

  Bean’s mom quickly put her arms around Nancy. “Honey! Nobody’s going to notice a tiny little wart.”

  “Bean noticed!” Nancy moaned.

  “You told me to look!” said Bean. Sheesh.

  “I can’t get up and dance with a wart,” wailed Nancy. “Everyone will think I’m gross!” She ran out of the kitchen. She was crying.

  Bean’s mother sighed. She looked over at Bean, and then she followed Nancy.

  Bean watched her go, frowning. What was that all about?

  THE QUEEN’S GARBAGE

  The last day of Camp Flaming Arrow started out quietly. In front of the tent, Harlan and Franny and Dino and Sophie W. gathered around Ivy and Bean. Juanito and Leo were hiding inside the tent. The Puppet Fun! counselor had given up on Ella and the three zombies as long as they promised to stay in Monkey Park, so they were there, too. Everyone was listening to Ivy.

  Ivy was going to read from a book called Daredevils in Dresses: Heroines of History. “Boudicca, Queen of the Britons,” Ivy read. She looked up. “Boudicca had red hair, like me.”

  Boudicca, it turned out, was a tough patootie who had lived a long time ago. When her husband died, she was supposed to get his kingdom, but the rotten Roman governor said ha, ha, I’m the governor and I get what I want. He took her kingdom and he even threw her in jail. But then he made a big mistake. He went on vacation.

  Boudicca escaped from jail and told all the men in her kingdom to get off their duffs and fight for her. But they said no. They were wimps. Boudicca said fine, I’ll do it myself, and she led an army from her chariot. A chariot is a bitty carriage pulled by horses. Boudicca swung her sword left and right and mowed down all the Romans in sight. There was a very interesting picture of that in the book. “And when the governor heard that Boudicca was coming in her chariot, he and his army ran away,” read Ivy. “With their knees quaking in terror.”

  “Quaking in terror,” Bean repeated. Boudicca was brave. Boudicca was cool.

  There was a silence while they all thought about Boudicca.

  “Now,” said Ivy, putting the book down, “it’s time for hands-on learning.”

  Bean nodded like she knew what that was. Maybe someone else would ask.

  “Hands-on what?” said Dino.

  “Hands-on learning means I get to be Boudicca first, because I have red hair,” said Ivy. “Bean’s my sister. You guys,” she pointed at Sophie W., Dino, Ella, and the zombies, “you’re the Roman Army. The rest of you,” she waved her hand, “are the Briton warriors.”

  The Roman Army slept peacefully on the grass. Little did they know that Queen Boudicca, her sister Bean, and the Briton warriors were creeping up on them.

  They didn’t know it until Bean leaped out from behind a bush, screeching “Surrender, Roman dogs!”

  Two of the zombies caved at once, but Dino, Sophie W., and Ella put up a good fight. In fact, they chased Harlan around until he surrendered, which was not what was supposed to happen. They put him in jail, but he was bravely rescued by Queen Boudicca and her sister, who duked it out, stick to stick, with Dino and Ella. Juanito double-crossed the queen by switching sides halfway through, but then Leo caught him and put him in chains, which was okay because the chains were really jackets. The two zombies decided they wanted to be Briton warriors instead of Roman soldiers. Bean couldn’t remember if Franny was on her side or not.

  “TIME OUT!” she shouted.

  Everyone stopped.

  “This is too confusing. Let’s all be Briton warriors,” she said.

  “But who’s going to be the Roman Army?” asked Dino.

  Bean looked at the Monkey Park lawn. “Garbage. The Roman Army is going to be garbage.”

  Garbage made a good army. It was good because there was plenty of garbage in Monkey Park. It was also good because they could poke holes in garbage and they couldn’t poke holes in each other. When the wind began to blow the garbage around, it got even better. Those rotten Romans were trying to escape! Bean chased a coffee-cup Roman between the bushes, trying to spear it with her sword. It tumbled off, and she went after it, leaving the rest of the Britons behind. Every time she thought she had that Roman, it rolled a little farther.

  It rolled and tumbled all the way to the Youth Center. Bean stopped. Real camp. She could hear music coming from inside.

  Bean circled past the window where she and Ivy had watched the Girl Power 4-Ever craft time and came to a door. She went in. The music was louder inside. It was so loud that nobody even looked her way. Bean stood at the back of the Youth Center and watched some girls walk to the right. Then they walked to the left. Then they swung their hands up in the air and looked at them.

  All the girls were dressed in black, so it was hard to tell one from the other. Bean squinted. Oh. There was Nancy. Her head was tilted up. She was looking at her hand. She wasn’t smiling. She was counting. Bean could see her lips moving—“One, two, three, four; one, two, three, four.” All the girls were counting. In a line, they moved forward and twirled, and then moved back.

  Bean looked at the girls in the audience. They were all sitting quietly in rows. This was real camp. It looked terrible.

  There was a big wail, and the music ended. The routine dancers stopped moving and stood in a line. The girls in rows began to clap nicely.

  Bean stuffed her stick under her arm and began to clap. “YAYY! WAY TO GO, NANCY!” she hollered. “YAYY!”

  Oops. Everyone was turning around to look at her. Even the dancers were looking at her. Nancy was looking at her.

  Bean stopped yelling. There was a long silence. Yikes. How embarrassing. “Bye!” Bean called and zipped out the door before Nancy could b
egin freaking out.

  Outside, Bean ran. That felt good. She ran back to the middle of Monkey Park, where no one was sitting still. Boudicca’s army had grown. Kids were running around, chasing garbage and yelling, “Surrender, Roman dog!” Bean found Queen Boudicca running after a brown paper bagthat bounced and blew over the grass.

  “Hail, sister!” cried Ivy.

  “To arms!” yelled Bean.

  They chased the brown paper bag Roman all the way to Monkey Fountain, where—hooray!—it blew right into the water!

  Queen Boudicca held up her sword and yelled, “Onward, warriors!” So they both took off their shoes and charged into the fountain. They chased that brown paper Roman around and around the monkey, sploshing and splashing. Pretty soon half of the Briton warriors were in the fountain too. A bunch of tiny kids standing beside the fountain got confused and threw more garbage into the water, but Boudicca’s army fought bravely on.

  “Surrender!” hollered Ivy, spearing the last candy wrapper with her stick.

  “Long live the queen!” yelled Franny.

  “Yah! Yah!” squalled the tiny kids.

  Their squalling made all their moms look up, and once those moms looked up, they started losing their minds. Something about sticks poking eyes. In no time at all, Boudicca’s warriors were kicked out of the fountain.

  “I guess we’d better quit,” said Bean, squeezing out her shirt.

  Ivy nodded, dumping the last of the Romans into the garbage can.

  “This was the best day yet,” said Leo.