Iggy the Legend Read online

  LOOK FOR IGGY’S OTHER TRIUMPHS

  The Best of Iggy

  Iggy Is Better Than Ever

  Iggy Is the Hero of Everything

  G. P. Putnam’s Sons

  An imprint of Penguin Random House LLC, New York

  First published in the United States of America by G. P. Putnam's Sons,

  an imprint of Penguin Random House LLC, 2022

  Text copyright © 2022 by Annie Barrows

  Illustrations copyright © 2022 by Sam Ricks

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  Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data

  Names: Barrows, Annie, author. | Ricks, Sam, illustrator.

  Title: Iggy the legend / Annie Barrows; illustrated by Sam Ricks.

  Description: New York: G. P. Putnam’s Sons, [2022] | Series: Iggy; book 4

  Summary: “When Iggy needs to make a bit of money, he conjures up a scheme to help kids con the Tooth Fairy for profit”—Provided by publisher.

  Identifiers: LCCN 2021027950 (print) | 2021027951 (ebook) ISBN 9780593325339 | ISBN 9780593325346 (ebook)

  Subjects: CYAC: Moneymaking projects—Fiction. | Schools—Fiction.

  Classification: LCC PZ7.B27576 Ih 2022 (print) | LCC PZ7.B27576 (ebook)

  DDC [Fic]—dc23

  LC record available at https://lccn.loc.gov/2021027950

  LC ebook record available at https://lccn.loc.gov/2021027951

  Ebook ISBN 9780593325346

  Design by Cindy De la Cruz and Marikka Tamura, adapted for ebook by Michelle Quintero

  This book is a work of fiction. Any references to historical events, real people, or real places are used fictitiously. Other names, characters, places, and events are products of the author’s imagination, and any resemblance to actual events or places or persons, living or dead, is entirely coincidental.

  The publisher does not have any control over and does not assume any responsibility for author or third-party websites or their content.

  pid_prh_6.0_140147987_c0_r0

  To Clio, muse of fourth-grader arcana, with special thanks for the beans in chocolate milk and the horrible yet inspiring story about teeth

  —A.B.

  To Dr. Ricks, dentist extraordinaire. To my knowledge, he never lost a tooth in transit, though he extracted several of mine.

  —S.R.

  Contents

  CHAPTER 1: Things to Think About If You Get Hit over the Head with a Shovel

  CHAPTER 2: The Good Old Days of November 16

  CHAPTER 3: Diego Hits Iggy with a Club

  CHAPTER 4: One Is Silver and the Other’s Gold

  CHAPTER 4½: Blame Reassignment Report #1

  CHAPTER 5: Iggy Looks for Work

  CHAPTER 6: Lying Down in the Middle of the Street Begins to Sound Pretty Good

  CHAPTER 6½: Blame Reassignment Report #2

  CHAPTER 7: The Mandibles of Fate

  CHAPTER 7½: Blame Reassignment Report #3

  CHAPTER 8: Truth in Advertising, at Least

  CHAPTER 9: Buck Teeth

  CHAPTER 10: The Fighting Legends

  CHAPTER 11: The Next Four Minutes

  CHAPTER 12: Minute Five

  CHAPTER 13: Minutes Six through Three Hundred

  CHAPTER 14: Minutes Three Hundred through Ten Thousand and Eighty

  CHAPTER 15: The Search for Truth and Justice Begins

  IN CONCLUSION: Blame Reassignment Final Report

  CHAPTER 1

  Things to Think About If You Get Hit over the Head with a Shovel

  Let’s talk about blame. Let’s talk about how blaming people for things is often wrong and unfair. For example, sometimes people are blamed for things they did by mistake, which is wrong and unfair because everyone makes mistakes. If I happen to hit you over the head with a shovel because I tripped, it’s totally different than if I tiptoed up behind you and hit you over the head with a shovel. And then laughed.

  Which I would never do.

  In this way, we can see that it’s wrong and unfair to blame people for things they did by mistake.

  But sometimes blame is even more wrong and unfair than that!

  Sometimes the person being blamed wouldn’t have done the bad thing at all if other people hadn’t done other bad things earlier, things that practically forced the first person to do the thing he is being blamed for.

  In this way, we can see that other people, especially other people who started it, should get some of the blame for the bad thing too.

  Here is a real-life example to help you understand this important idea: If a person gets blamed for a thing he did, and he only did that thing because he needed money, isn’t the person who asked him for money partly to blame?

  said Iggy’s friend Diego. “It was a membership fee.”

  There are lots of people who would call it mean, making your friends pay a membership fee to hang out in your back yard. They would call it mean and stingy and a little bit like stealing.

  “It is not like stealing!” yelled Diego.

  In this example, we learned how wrong and unfair it is to blame only one person when this person’s “friend” started it by doing a mean, stingy thing.

  Would you like another example? I happen to have one.

  Let’s talk about older sisters, older sisters who are supposed to help and teach their little brothers, but do mean things that ruin their lives instead.

  said Iggy’s sister Maribel.

  Oh, great. Just kidding. Just making your little brother suffer so you could have a laugh.

  “You’re not that little!” said Maribel.

  Many people would say that if you had helped your little brother when he asked, he wouldn’t have needed to do the thing he is being blamed for. “How could anyone be so mean to her little brother?” those people would say. “This sister certainly deserves some of the blame!”

  “Hey, I’m not the one who—”

  EXAMPLE NUMBER THREE! How can a person be blamed for breaking a rule that he didn’t know was a rule? How is that fair? Did Iggy’s parents ever say “Oh, by the way, if you ever find something lying on the ground, don’t sell it. If you do sell it, you will be a criminal.” Many people would say if his parents cared so much about this important rule, they should have mentioned it to him a little earlier.

  said Iggy’s mom. “You should have known better. You’re nine years old!”

  Iggy is only nine years old. He’s only a kid. He doesn’t claim to know everything. How could he? He’s a kid. His parents are supposed to teach him the rules. Iggy can only follow the rules if he knows about them.

  said Iggy’s dad. “You never follow rules!”

  What?! Iggy is famous for following rules, if he knows about them! When Monica the lunchroom lady said it was against the rules for Iggy to put his beans in his chocolate milk and call it barf, he stopped. When his teacher, Ms. Schulberger, said he couldn’t bring a meat tenderizer to school ever again, he didn’t. When his mom told him never to climb out his window onto the roof and bark, he stopped barking! Yes, everyone who knows Ig
gy[*] would tell you he is a good kid who follows the rules, if he knows about them.

  Now that we have had this interesting conversation about blame, and we’ve learned that blame is often wrong and unfair, Iggy and I would like to suggest a new way of thinking about the events that occurred between November 16 and November 20, a new and better way that will show that these events, particularly the one everyone’s so mad about, are not Iggy’s fault. Or not only Iggy’s fault. We will show that the blame for these events should be shared with many people, including all the ones mentioned above, plus Diego’s younger brother, Andrés (the little stinker); a bunch of third graders; the Russian girl; and a forgetful dentist too.

  What is our mission? Truth and justice!

  Will we free Iggy from the shadow of blame (or at least spread it around a little?), or will Iggy prove to be guilty, guilty, guilty? Only you can decide. But you can’t decide until after our search for truth and justice is finished, so let’s get cracking:

  Our story begins back in the old days, the good old days before anyone was mean or stingy or unfair . . .

  CHAPTER 2

  The Good Old Days of November 16

  Iggy and Diego have been buddies ever since the second day of kindergarten. Iggy has a bunch of other friends, but he probably likes Diego the most.

  Why?

  What do you mean, why?

  He just does.

  Diego is a really fast runner. Oh, and here’s another reason! One day in third grade, Iggy and Diego were in Diego’s kitchen, doing homework, and Iggy read his math problem out loud: “6 x E = 24.”

  “EEEEEEE!” said Diego.

  And then they both laughed so hard that milk came out their noses.

  That was great.

  However, despite being (probably) Iggy’s best friend, Diego isn’t perfect. Not even close. In fact, sometimes he’s a pain in the yonker. As this book will show.

  said Diego.

  * * *

  • • •

  On November 16, Diego and his dad built a treehouse in Diego’s back yard.[*] Diego and his dad do stuff like that all the time, because Mr. Sandoval (that’s Diego’s dad) likes to build things, and ever since Diego’s little brother, Andrés, broke his own nose with a hammer, Mr. Sandoval usually builds them with Diego. One time they made a go-kart that won second place in a go-kart race.

  Iggy’s dad doesn’t build anything.

  “I do too!” said Iggy’s dad.

  Big whoop.

  Anyway, on November 16, Mr. Sandoval and Diego built a treehouse in Diego’s back yard. Pay attention here: On November 16, that’s all it was—a treehouse.

  But it was an awesome treehouse. It had two parts. It had a part on the ground, under a big tree (there were a lot of trees in Diego’s yard), and then a ladder that came out the roof and went up the tree trunk to the other part, the treehouse part. The part on the ground was like a real house, with walls and a window and this cool door that was two half-doors, one on top and one on the bottom. There was a ladder leading to a trapdoor in the roof, and when it opened, you climbed a second ladder on the tree trunk to get to the treehouse part. In the treehouse part, the walls were like balcony walls, so you could look out, but it had a roof. Also a hammock and a bench.

  As soon as it was finished, Diego called Iggy. “You gotta come see what my dad and I built,” he said. “It’s awesome.”

  And Iggy, a good friend, stopped what he was doing—which was nothing, but still—and instantly skateboarded three blocks to Diego’s house.

  Diego and Andrés were standing on the sidewalk in front of their house when he got there. “Hurry up!” yelled Diego when he saw Iggy. “You’re going to freak!”

  “Yeah, you’re going to freak!” said Andrés, jumping up and down.

  “Shut up,” Diego told Andrés. “Go away.”

  “Mom said it’s my treehouse too!” squeaked Andrés.

  Diego rolled his eyes at Iggy in a way that meant, Don’t worry; I will soon solve this problem. “Come on!” he said. They zipped around the side of Diego’s house and through the gate. Then they zipped through the back yard, which was way bigger than Iggy’s and had a whole farm section, with spinach and chickens, until they got to the tree section, and Diego said, “Look!”

  “Yeah!” said Andrés. “Look!”

  Iggy looked, and when he looked, he thought:

  He also thought: I want this.

  He was jealous.

  However, Iggy, a good friend, didn’t say these jealous things. He said, “Sick!”

  Then Iggy and Diego and Andrés crawled through the bottom half-door and swarmed up the ladder to the treehouse and swung in the hammock and threw stuff at squirrels. When they got tired of that, Diego told Andrés to go into the house and bring them some chips. Andrés did. Then Diego told Andrés to go into the house and bring them some dip. Andrés did. Then Diego told Andrés to go into the house and bring them some frosted flakes. Andrés did. And then Iggy and Diego sat on top of the trapdoor so Andrés couldn’t get back in.

  He yelled for a while, but eventually he went away.

  Problem solved.

  Up in the treehouse, Diego lay in the hammock with his hands behind his head—Iggy was stuck with the bench, but he didn’t complain—and said, “I’m going to move all my stuff out and live here.”

  Then Iggy reminded him about bathrooms, and Diego said he’d pee over the side, and Iggy said what about the other thing, and Diego said he’d get a bucket, and Iggy said he’d get bucket-butt. Then they laughed and threw more stuff at squirrels, and then Andrés tried to force his way in, and they threw stuff at him.

  Mrs. Sandoval came out on the porch and said Diego should be nice and let Andrés play. Diego said they were playing, and she said they were not, but it was time for dinner anyway.

  So they climbed down the ladder and crawled through the trapdoor headfirst and crash-landed on Andrés, and Diego went toward his house, yelling over his shoulder, “Bye! Come over tomorrow after school, okay?”

  “Yeah!” yelled Iggy over his shoulder. “See you tomorrow!”

  Yes, everyone was happy and no one was to blame, back in the good old days of November 16.

  CHAPTER 3

  Diego Hits Iggy with a Club

  Remember in the last chapter when I told you that Iggy and Diego have been friends since kindergarten?

  Well, I did.

  After that year, the school coincidentally made a rule that Iggy and Diego could never be in the same class again.

  So Iggy didn’t see Diego the next morning (otherwise known as November 17). That morning, he arrived at Ms. Schulberger’s room and hissed at the class snake until Ms. Schulberger told him to stop.

  Then he pretended to trip over Sarah’s feet (they were big) until Ms. Schulberger told him to stop.

  Then he tried to balance his book on the tip of his finger until Ms. Schulberger told him to stop.

  Then it was Weekend Reports.

  If it had been Iggy’s turn to give a Weekend Report, he would have told about Diego’s treehouse, and it would have been cool and interesting. But it was Cecily’s turn, so it was boring. She’d bought a henna kit with her allowance and tooth fairy money. She showed the henna kit. All the girls went “Oooooh!” Iggy pretended to fall asleep until Ms. Schulberger told him to stop.

  In other words, a totally normal morning.

  Fast-forward to lunch.

  In the lunchroom, Iggy sat down next to Diego. But because it’s really hard to pay attention when you’re hungry, Iggy didn’t listen to what Diego was saying until after he’d yammed down two pieces of pizza, one grape, one-half of a carrot stick, and a thing of chocolate milk. Usually, Iggy and Diego ate as fast as they could, wadded up their napkins and threw them at the trash can, returned their trays, and tore out of the lunchroom like mani
acs so they’d be at the sports shed in time to get a ball.

  Today was no different: When Iggy was done eating, which was about four minutes after he started, he crumpled his pizza paper and napkin into a lump and threw it at the trash can. Basket! “Three points!” he yelled, and turned to get a high five from Diego.

  This was when he noticed that Diego wasn’t eating. Diego was talking. He was leaning across the table, talking in a low voice to Arch and Aidan and Owen and a kid named Miles Iggy hardly knew.

  “. . . and sometimes, there’ll be overnights, like, we’ll sleep up there, except we probably won’t sleep that much. No one’ll know what we’re doing. We can put food in a cooler and have midnight feasts, and I already checked and the internet works out there, so we can play games and watch movies all night if we want—”

  Oh, Iggy realized, he’s telling them about the treehouse. “It’s hecka cool,” he reported, because he, Diego’s best friend, had been there.

  “Sounds hecka cool,” muttered Aidan. “How much did you say?”

  “Eleven dollars and sixty cents,” said Diego. “Only eleven sixty.”

  “Eleven sixty?” asked Iggy. “For what?”

  “The membership fee,” said Arch.

  “The what?” said Iggy.

  “To join the club,” said Miles. “You have to pay eleven sixty to be in it.”

  “What club?” asked Iggy.

  Arch and Aidan and Owen and Miles and even Diego looked at Iggy like he was a slug. Finally, Diego said, “The club we’re having in my clubhouse.”

  “It’s a clubhouse?” asked Iggy.

  Boy, a lot can happen in four minutes! While Iggy had been yamming pizza, Diego’s treehouse had turned into a clubhouse. This meant it was the headquarters of a club.