Iggy the Legend Page 4
The Fighting Legends started chasing the chickens.
The chickens lost their minds.
“CRIME, CRIME, CRIME,” screamed Andrés.
“SQUAWK!” screamed the chickens.
“FIGHTING LEGENDS RULE!” screamed Iggy and Miles and Arch.
“YAAAAH!” screamed Owen.
screamed Mr. Sandoval.
CHAPTER 12
Minute Five
The chickens were still having fun.
CHAPTER 13
Minutes Six through Three Hundred
We don’t really need to discuss this, do we?
We do?
Really?
Okay. Fine.
The period between Minute Six and Minute Three Hundred was when Iggy learned that there were several rules that his parents had forgotten to teach him. And that he was in trouble for breaking them anyway.
Would you like to know what they are, just in case your parents have also forgotten to teach you these rules?
Rules Iggy’s Parents Had Forgotten to Teach Him (But Were Still Mad About)
You’re not supposed to pick up stuff you find on the street.
[Even though these are the very same people who had taught Iggy the idea of finders keepers. Would you like to know how they taught Iggy this? By taking a big drawing pad they found on the sidewalk home for Molly to use. How is this different from a bag of teeth? It isn’t!]
If you do find stuff on the street, you’re not supposed to sell it.
[Why not? What was the Gold Rush but people finding stuff in the dirt and selling it?]
If the thing you sell is teeth, and the people who buy the teeth use them to cheat their parents, it’s as if you cheated their parents yourself.
[What? That’s ridiculous! If the kids who bought Iggy’s teeth cheated their parents, how is that his fault? He didn’t make them lie to their parents, did he? No! It was their own choice, so it was their own crime! He just had an idea. Why is he to blame?]
If you get money by lying, it’s like you stole it.
[Wellll, okay. They had kind of taught Iggy that idea. I mean, they had mentioned that he wasn’t supposed to lie . . .]
Still, he himself had only lied about one tooth. And he’d only received one dollar.
He apologized. “Sorry,” he said. It seemed like plenty of apologizing for just one dollar.
Apparently, it wasn’t.
Because after this came . . .
CHAPTER 14
Minutes Three Hundred through Ten Thousand and Eighty
Let’s just say that if ruining someone’s life for a week were a crime, Iggy’s parents would be criminals too.
CHAPTER 15
The Search for Truth and Justice Begins
A couple of weeks later, Iggy and Diego were waiting in the line outside the sports shed when Diego nudged Iggy in the ribs. “The Russian girl!” he hissed. “She’s coming over.”
It was true.
“Hello, Ziggy,” she said. There was a rumor she was already six feet tall. “Have you more teeth?”
Iggy shook his head. “I don’t have them anymore. My parents took them.”
“I heard this. I hoped it was not true.” She sighed. “It’s very bad. I need thirty-two more.”
Thirty-two teeth? Very slowly, Iggy asked, “What do you do with them?”
“I make art,” she said. “Beautiful art.” She opened her jacket so Iggy could see her T-shirt. On it, there was a girl’s head. She had long pink hair and a giant mouth with Iggy’s teeth glued inside it.
Iggy made a noise that he turned into “Wow!”
“Yes, many people want one like this. I need more teeth.”
“I got in a lot of trouble for selling them.”
The Russian girl made a face. “But this is unfair. You need money, you find teeth, you sell them to me, I make beautiful art. Where is the wrong in this?”
That was a very good question! Where was the wrong?
“If this were a good world, you would have no need of money. This friend”—she glared at Diego, who turned red—“he wouldn’t ask you for money. He would be a real friend. He would give you money. Why do you get punished? Why not the friend who asked for money?”
“Yeah!” said Iggy, turning around to glare at Diego too.
“And selling teeth,” the Russian girl continued. “Why is this bad? Here, everyone sells things. It is almost a rule, you must sell things. Do people say Oh yes, you can sell everything except teeth? I don’t think so.”
“That’s true!” said Iggy. “They didn’t tell me it was against the rules. They just got mad at me for doing it. Well, also for lying,” he admitted.
She shook her head. “Psh, lying! Fairies with teeth? Fairies have no teeth. This is already a lie.”
“You know what? You’re right,” said Iggy. “Grown-ups lie about all sorts of stuff!”
The Russian girl sighed. “And then they blame you,” she agreed.
Suddenly, Iggy could see it all: He had been blamed unfairly and wrongly. He had been punished for others’ actions. How terrible! Suddenly, in that moment, Iggy knew he must begin a great search for truth and justice.
But also suddenly in that moment, he and Diego reached the front of the line and scored one of the two soccer balls that wasn’t wrecked. “Sweet!” Iggy said, grabbing it. “Let’s go!”
So the search for truth and justice had to wait for a while.
IN CONCLUSION
BLAME REASSIGNMENT FINAL REPORT
The Blame Reassignment Commission now concludes its investigation into Iggy Frangi’s blame for the events of November 16 through 20. The Commission has determined that the previous amount of blame received by Iggy for these events (see Figure A) was incorrect.
Figure A: Iggy’s Blame, Before
The Blame Reassignment Commission has determined that the correct amount of Iggy Frangi’s blame for these events is, in fact, as follows (see Figure B).
Figure B: Iggy’s Blame, Now
The Blame Reassignment Commission has further determined that the remaining blame must be divided as follows (see Figure C).
Figure C: Corrected Blame for the Events of November 16–20
Diego’s Blame: 18%
Maribel’s Blame: 15%
Mom and Dad’s Blame: 17%
Andrés’s Blame (the little stinker): 31%
The Blame of Assorted Third and Second Graders: 7%
The Russian Girl’s Blame: 2%
Iggy’s Blame: 3%
The Forgetful Dentist’s Blame: 7%
Please adjust your blame accordingly.
photo credit: Amy Perl Photography
ANNIE BARROWS regrets to report that she is to blame for the following things: dropping the iron on the kitchen floor (twice); microwaving her children’s sippy cups (sorry about that, kids); and declaring in print that Komodo dragons don’t poop (they do). Everything else she ever did was fine. Even the thing with the Barbie shoes. It wasn’t her idea.
anniebarrows.com
@anniebarrowsauthor
SAM RICKS is the illustrator of the Geisel Award winner Don’t Throw It to Mo! and the Stinkbomb and Ketchup-Face books. He is grateful his parents let him live through a surprising number of Iggycidents. Sam lives with his family in Utah.
samricks.com
@samuelricks
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* Except for Mrs. Wander, the principal at Iggy’s school; Ms. Dixson, his second-grade teacher; Mr. Sokol, who tried to teach him flute; Rudy Heckie, who lives down the street; Lainey, the nicest girl in the fourth grade; Jeremy Greerson and his mom, who are awfully touchy; Maribel; and assorted other people.
* Diego was right. In Spanish, it’s los Luchadores Legendarios. Way cooler than English!
* A terrible story you can read in The Best of Iggy, pages 59–73.
* By the way, you don’t see Iggy and me trying to say that he’s not to blame for this event (which we’re not going to discuss), do you? That’s how truthful and just we are.
* Yeah, yeah, I know, he wasn’t including the dime he already had. You add the dime in your head if you’re so great.
* I’m not making this up. Look it up if you don’t believe me.
* Actually, they had started it the weekend before, but that’s the kind of detail you get to ignore when you’re writing a book.
Annie Barrows, Iggy the Legend
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